Sunday, January 10, 2010

Cleansing for Personal Renewal

The following is the first half of a list and personal analysis of common sins that prevent God from blessing and using my life. It is this list that I must personally consult when examining myself and my relationship with God.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: test my thoughts. Point out anything you find in me that [causes dissapointment] and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-4

How can I ever know what sins are lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Psalm 19:12

1. Matthew 6:12-14 YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS
I should never harbor feelings of hatred or anger or resentment towards anyone. I should never be critical of anyone or wear a self protective mask that doesn't allow others to get close to me. No matter what may happen God, help me keep an open mind when it comes to all and anyone that I may encounter in my life. Help me to be positive upbeat, kind and compassionate and to no matter what hurt I have been through not allow myself to punish others for what circumstances I have had in my life. Help me be understanding and trust in you and lean on you for my comfort so that I can build these healthy relationships and maintain them and most importantly I NEED HEALTHY relationships. Help me abstain from the unhealthy ones that would jeapardize everything and to touch those people Lord.
Especially help my relationship with D.

And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever, Amen. For if ye forgive men their trespasses your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

So just as the bible says I should always maintain this mindset when approaching others and in keeping good terms with everyone. I am already practicing this and I maintain this forgiving attitude but help me keep that and not lose this non-judgemental stance. Help me NEVER think I am superior to anyone because that is unjust and very beneath what God expects from me and what I expect from myself. Even if I become successful let me never forget my struggle to get there and all the little people in the background that made it happen.

2. Matthew 6:33 YOUR PRIORITIES

But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be [given] unto you. Also vs 34- Be therefore not anxious about tomorrow; for tomorrow will be anzious for the things of itself(tomorrow will take care of itself) Sufficient unto the day is its own evil.

Make sure God is being put first in my life. Everything I do needs to be done for him in his name for his will in my life. I need to make sure that what I am doing with my life is what God wants for me is what he meant it to be. And I always need to make time for God even if its five minutes in the morning I need to make sure I set aside that time to show that he is important he makes my day and so therefore I need to acknowledge that and appreciate him for it. God help me make time for you and praying more and reading my bible. I want to go to a good church in miami but you know my situation is there a way where I can be more regular about creating my own kind of worship etc so as to honor you and worship you. I love church and I miss it when I go away and only you Lord can give me the knowledge and the message- I would love that. Lord I also can't make other things a priority I have to be willing to give it up for the greater good for you!

3. Ephesians 4:31 ATTITUDES

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. and be kind to one another...even as God for christs sake hath forgiven you.

Lord help me to stop complaining all the time that shouldn't be my outlook on life. I shouldn't be ungrateful irritable or cranky. Help me be more loving and understanding towards Davin and the rest of my family. Help me and give me the patience to not smart or back answer people. Help me remain strong and give me that self control to hold my tongue. THE NEGATIVITY needs to stop I NEED to believe in myself and my abilities and stop looking around me and look at me and figure out what works best for me. Should I drop orgo and take something easier would I be able to handle it? Am I going to make it in any of these summer programs? Should I maintain positivity and believe in myself that I will make it? These are the struggles I deal with everyday that give me stress and lack of hope. I want to be a doctor- I know I do I feel it It gives me joy I want to do it for others and for you. Lord is there no other way show me if this is what you want for me. I need to make it and you know where I stand academically. Also financially I don't understand the increased due balance it is a struggle I face every semester but only you can fix that and therefore I am going to LEAVE it to you now lord. God I need to learn to stop trying to be so independent and trust you with things and learn to put my pride down and ask for help. I need to rely on you to be that number one shining star and the backbone behind my own shine. you are the one that can help me get through and I need to remember that even when I feel like all the weight is on my shoulders because it's not.

4. Colossians 3:9 INTEGRITY

Lord I know I am an honor council member and that definitely helps me stay in check and keep others in check. It makes me more aware of my responsibilities and my image and role model position for my younger brothers. Help me never to lie about classes or give an exaggerated view of my life instead I should maintain quietness if I don't want to share my grade. People will respect that more than a lie and I will also respect that more. I need to make sure I keep my promises and am dependable and don't say one thing doing another. No hypocrisy or fakeness. I want to keep it real and I know I need to constantly improve but Lord you are going to help me do that so there is no reason why I should be afraid or worried about what others think. I should just focus on being the best me that I can be.

Lie not to one another seeing htat ye have put off the old man with his deeds--vs10--and have put on the new man that is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him.

GOD CAN RENEW YOU but there has to be some PErSONAL initiative and EFFORT involved.

Prayer:
Lord today I give you my burdens and troubles and stresses and worries and although I have little time I know that you will help me accomplish all I need to accomplish within that time and take away that stress I feel whenever it gets to be too much and I get too tired of it. I never want to lost that positive demeanor and energy I have and that is what often gets me through. let me not lose hope focus or motivation on my dream because I know that you are here with me every step of the way and that is all I ever need anyway. you can heal my broken heart and cease the pain like a surgeon sutures the wound. I know that I need help with my classes like physics and biostats and spanish and the research will take time lord and that is why I don't know about organic chem and so I am asking you for guidance on whether I should wait and take polysci now. It will ensure a higher gpa and that is most important to me lord and also that the honors program won't just kick me out-lord you know my personal struggles with this school business but if you can make something happen prepare me and allow me to still pursue my initiatives and experiences that I desire than you won't be disappointed with the outcome. help me keep that motivation and I want to be the best the absolute BEST that I can demand from myself. School is more important than the other things and just allow me to balance women's history month-doing a good job and allowing myself the room to grow and learn from this and link community service and honor council and toppel and continue p100 tours and not leave schoolwork for the last minute help me to strengthen my time management because then there will be no need for worrying about when this or that will get taken care of which is why lord I ask you again for the answer to whether I should still do organic now or wait till the fall and then take it with physics two and then do genetics in the spring but really start studying harder for the mcat even without the organic chem background I can still study and then go hard before I take the test hopefully in july of the following year and please lord I wouldn't want it to mess up my application schedule and allow me to be able to get the reference letters I need and to have them be good and build stronger relationships with teachers and then biochem take that in the fall of senior year and for medical schools to see that and be okay with it lord. I know you can help me with all of this and so that is why this whole thing is a novel. These things are the things on my mind but I know that I am giving them to you-make out of them what you will and lead me in the direction you want for me and I willingly follow. THANKS GOD!!!

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